Help with anxiety · London · Birmingham · Online
Anxiety: what’s going on and how coaching helps
What anxiety is, why worry can carry on after the pressure has gone, and what helps, from small daily changes to talking therapy through your GP. A plain guide for people whose minds won’t settle, with coaching in Harley Street, Edgbaston or online alongside any medical care.
Written by Stuart Downing, NLP Master Practitioner and life coach. Reviewed
In short
What it is
Anxiety is a feeling of unease, worry or fear. Everyone has it at times. It becomes a problem when it is frequent, hard to control and starts to decide what you do.
What helps
Understanding what keeps the worry going, cutting back on avoidance and reassurance, and calming the body as well as the mind. Talking therapy helps many people.
When to get medical help
See your GP if anxiety has lasted weeks or is affecting daily life. If you are in crisis, call 999, NHS 111 (option 2) or Samaritans on 116 123.
What anxiety can feel like
Anxiety affects your thoughts, your body and what you do. The NHS explains generalised anxiety disorder and other forms in more depth. The list below is what people tell me, and it isn’t a way to label yourself.
- Your mind runs through what could go wrong, often late at night.
- Your heart races or your chest tightens when nothing dangerous is happening.
- You find it hard to concentrate because part of you is always on watch.
- You ask for reassurance, check things twice or rehearse conversations.
- You avoid calls, meetings, travel or places that set the feeling off.
- You feel restless, tense or on edge for much of the day.
- Sleep is light or broken, and you wake already worrying.
- You plan for the worst so that nothing can catch you out.
Why anxiety keeps coming back
Anxiety is the body’s alarm system. When it senses a threat, it speeds up your heart and breathing and narrows your attention so you can respond. That is useful in a real emergency. The difficulty starts when the alarm sounds for situations that aren’t dangerous, or keeps ringing long after a hard period has ended.
There is often no single cause. The NHS says generalised anxiety usually has no obvious trigger, though things such as stressful or traumatic experiences and a family history of anxiety can raise the chances. What keeps anxiety going is frequently the way people, quite understandably, try to cope with it.
- Avoidance. Staying away from what scares you brings quick relief and teaches your brain that the thing really was dangerous.
- Reassurance and checking. Asking, searching online and double-checking calm you for an hour, then the doubt returns.
- Worry that feels like planning. Going over every outcome can feel responsible, so it is hard to put down.
- A body that never rests. Caffeine, alcohol, short nights and long hours keep your system primed.
Anxiety and stress overlap: the guide to stress covers pressure you can name, and social anxiety covers the fear of being judged in company. For short reads, see anxiety at work and high-functioning anxiety.
What I see in coaching
Many people who contact me about anxiety look calm from the outside. They hold down demanding jobs, keep their families running and come across as capable, while privately they spend a great deal of energy managing a mind that rarely switches off. Some have told nobody, because they worry that admitting it would change how others see them.
A pattern I notice often is that anxiety has slowly shrunk their world. They take a different route, turn down the speaking slot, leave the party early or stop booking holidays. Each choice makes sense on the day. Over months, the list of things that feel safe gets shorter, and the anxiety grows louder in whatever is left.
Progress usually comes from two directions at once: understanding what the alarm is responding to, and stepping back into the situations it has taken away, at a pace that feels manageable.
What helps with anxiety
Self-help is a good place to begin. Coaching can help you put changes into practice. For anxiety that is severe or long-lasting, talking therapy through the NHS comes first.
Things to try yourself
Notice what you are avoiding and take one small step towards it each week. Give worry a set slot in the day instead of letting it run all day. When your body is on alert, breathe slowly with a longer out-breath. Cut back on caffeine and alcohol, and move most days.
The NHS Every Mind Matters anxiety pages have more practical ideas.
Where coaching helps
Coaching can help when anxiety is getting in the way of work, confidence or decisions, and you want a practical structure for changing the habits that feed it.
It suits everyday anxiety that you are already managing and want to manage better. Sessions sit alongside any care from your GP and don’t replace it.
When to see your GP or a therapist
Book a GP appointment if anxiety has lasted for weeks, is affecting work, sleep or relationships, or arrives as panic attacks. Your GP can talk through options, and in England you can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies.
If you feel unable to keep yourself safe, call 999. For urgent mental health help, ring NHS 111 and choose option 2, or call Samaritans on 116 123 at any time of day or night.
How I coach anxiety
The first step is a free 30-minute phone call. I’ll ask what the anxiety is like, how long it has been around and whether you have spoken to your GP. If what you describe sounds as though it needs medical assessment or therapy first, I’ll tell you plainly.
Early sessions build a picture of your anxiety: what sets it off, what you do next and what that costs you. You then choose one area to work on, such as a meeting you dread or a habit of checking, and plan small, repeatable steps towards it. A package of five, eight or twelve sessions gives time to practise between appointments, with support by email or text.
Alongside conversation I use practical coaching methods and NLP techniques. Hypnotherapy is available if you want to try it, and it is never required.
To book coaching for anxiety itself, see stress and anxiety coaching. If worry is keeping you awake, the guide to insomnia may help as well.
A typical session
You bring a moment from the past week when anxiety took over. Together you slow it down: the first thought, the body’s reaction, what you did next. Then you pick one different response to try, small enough to manage, and agree how you’ll notice whether it helped.
Anxiety, worry and overthinking
In this video I look at how anxiety and overthinking affect your mind and body: racing thoughts, "what if" loops, fear about the future and the struggle to switch off. Understanding the pattern is the first step to changing it. If anxiety is stopping you functioning, see your GP as well.
Captions are available on YouTube.
Exercises used in sessions
A few examples of the tools you might use, adjusted to how your anxiety shows up.
The worry window
Fifteen minutes set aside each day to write worries down, so the rest of the day has fewer interruptions.
The step ladder
Avoided situations ranked from easiest to hardest, then climbed one rung at a time.
Breath and body reset
A short routine of slow breathing and muscle release to use before a trigger, not only after it.
Common anxiety patterns
These are common patterns, not individual client stories. Details always differ, and nothing about any client is shared.
The calm exterior
Capable at work and worn out by constant private worry. The work is on letting the worry be seen and loosening the need to control everything.
The checker
Emails reread, doors checked, symptoms searched. The work is on resisting the check and tolerating doubt a little longer each time.
The quiet avoider
A life gradually arranged around what feels safe. The work is on small, planned steps back into what has been given up.
What clients say
Reviews published on this site, word for word.
I highly recommend Stuart. 10/10 experience. Right from the beginning he made me feel so comfortable and he seemed to genuinely care about what I had to say.
Having already had talking therapy previously I found Stuart’s approach fresh and efficient.
Qualifications
- Advanced Master Practitioner of NLP (DNLP)
- Master Practitioner of NLP (MPNLP)
- Psychotherapist (MNACHP)
- Master Hypnotist (DMH)
- EMDR Practitioner
- PSY-TAP Practitioner
- ADHD-CCSP
- Enhanced DBS
Questions about anxiety
What is the difference between worry and anxiety?
Worry is a normal response to a real problem and usually fades once it is dealt with. Anxiety tends to be more persistent, harder to control and often out of proportion to the situation, and it shows up in the body as well as the mind. If it is affecting your life, speak to your GP.
Can coaching help with anxiety?
Coaching can help with everyday anxiety, particularly when it gets in the way of work, decisions or confidence, by giving you structure and practical steps. It is not a replacement for medical care or psychological therapy, so if anxiety is severe or has gone on a long time, see your GP first.
Should I see a GP about anxiety?
Yes, if anxiety has lasted several weeks, is affecting your sleep, work or relationships, or comes with panic attacks. Your GP can check for physical causes and explain the options. In England you can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies without a GP appointment.
Is anxiety the same as a panic attack?
No. A panic attack is a sudden surge of intense fear with strong physical symptoms, such as a pounding heart, breathlessness or dizziness, which usually peaks within minutes. Anxiety can be lower-level and longer-lasting. If you have chest pain or new symptoms, get medical advice to rule out other causes.
How many sessions will I need?
It varies. Some people notice a difference within a few sessions, once they understand their own pattern; others prefer a longer programme to practise new habits. Most choose a package of five, eight or twelve sessions, and on the free call I’ll suggest what seems realistic for you.
Can I have anxiety coaching online?
Yes. Sessions run on Zoom, FaceTime or by phone as well as in person in London and Birmingham. Some people with anxiety find it easier to start from home and move to the room later if they want to. The structure of each session stays the same.
Start with a free 30-minute call
You describe the problem. I tell you whether coaching is the right tool and how I’d approach it. If it isn’t, I’ll tell you that too. No obligation, and I reply within 24 hours.
- You send the formName, number and a line or two about what’s going on.
- I reply within 24 hoursBy phone or email, whichever you prefer, to book a time.
- A free 30-minute callYou decide afterwards. No obligation, no follow-up pressure.
Still deciding?
“I highly recommend Stuart. 10/10 experience. Right from the beginning he made me feel so comfortable and he seemed to genuinely care about what I had to say.”