Help with stress · London · Birmingham · Online
Stress: what’s going on and how coaching helps
How stress builds, how to spot it early and what brings it down, from things to try this week to when to see your GP. Written for people whose work and lives have become relentless, with coaching at 1 Harley Street, in Edgbaston or online if you want help.
Written by Stuart Downing, NLP Master Practitioner and life coach. Reviewed
In short
What it is
Stress is your body’s response to pressure. In short bursts it helps you act; when it doesn’t switch off, it wears down your sleep, health and patience.
What helps
Reducing the load where you can, protecting recovery time, and changing how you respond to the pressure you can’t remove.
When to see a GP
If stress is affecting your health or daily life, or self-help isn’t working, book an appointment. In a crisis, call 999 or NHS 111 (option 2).
What stress looks like
Stress shows up in the body, in your mood and in what you do. The NHS lists common signs of stress; these are the ones people describe to me most often.
- You wake in the early hours with your mind already on work.
- Headaches, tight shoulders or a clenched jaw have become normal.
- You snap at people you care about over small things.
- Your concentration slips and simple decisions feel heavy.
- You eat, drink or scroll more in the evenings to wind down.
- You feel tired all the time, even after a weekend off.
- You have stopped doing the things that used to restore you.
- You feel you can never catch up, however long you work.
Why stress builds
Short-term stress is useful. It sharpens your focus before a deadline and fades once the pressure passes. Problems start when the pressure doesn’t pass, or when one demand follows another without a break, so your body stays on alert for weeks or months.
Work is the most common source for the people I see. The Health and Safety Executive groups the causes of work-related stress into areas such as demands, control, support, relationships, role and change, and most stressed clients can point to two or three of them.
- Demands that outgrow your time. More work than hours, often with no end date.
- Little control. Other people set the pace, the priorities or the deadlines.
- Thin support. Nobody to share the load with, at work or at home.
- Your own rules. Perfectionism, people-pleasing or a belief that rest must be earned keep the pressure on after the day ends.
Senior roles bring their own pressures, which the page on coaching for executives covers. For short reads, see managing stress as a business owner and stress vs burnout.
What I see in coaching
The people who come to me about stress are rarely short of effort. Many are the most reliable person in their team or their family, and that reliability is part of the problem: they say yes, absorb the extra work and tell nobody it is too much until their body tells them first.
What usually helps is a mix of the practical and the personal. On the practical side, you look at workload, boundaries and recovery: what can be dropped, delegated or delayed, and what time in the week is protected. On the personal side, you look at the rules that keep you running, such as the fear of letting people down or the sense that slowing down means failing. Changing only one side tends to give a good fortnight and then the old pattern back.
Recovery also takes longer than most people expect. Feeling better after one quiet weekend is common; staying better needs a few weeks of the new routine.
What helps with stress
Start with what you can do yourself. Coaching helps when the pattern keeps returning. Medical help comes first when stress is affecting your health.
Things to try yourself
Write down what is on your mind and split it into what you can act on and what you can’t. Plan the week with gaps in it. Move every day, even briefly. Cut back on alcohol and caffeine as coping tools, and keep a regular bedtime.
The NHS Every Mind Matters pages have more practical ideas.
Where coaching helps
Coaching helps when you know what you should do and keep not doing it: the boundaries that collapse, the work you won’t delegate, the evenings that disappear into email.
Sessions work on the habits and the thinking behind them, with support between appointments while you put changes in place.
When to see your GP or a therapist
See your GP if stress is affecting your physical health, your sleep has broken down for weeks, you feel low most days, or you are relying on alcohol or other substances to cope.
If you feel unable to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, call 999, NHS 111 (option 2) or Samaritans on 116 123 straight away.
How I coach stress
It starts with a free 30-minute call. You tell me what is going on, and I ask about your health, your sleep and any support you already have. If I think you should see your GP first, I’ll say so.
In the first session you map where the pressure comes from and where your time and energy go. From there, a programme of five, eight or twelve sessions works through the biggest sources first, with changes to try each week and support by email or text in between.
Sessions combine conversation with practical techniques. Some people find hypnotherapy helps them switch off the stress response; it is always optional, and I explain it before you decide.
If you want to work on stress directly, see stress and anxiety coaching. If exhaustion has set in, the guide to burnout may fit better, and the page on work-life balance covers the evenings and weekends that work has taken over.
What a session is like
You arrive with what the week has been like. You pick the situation that cost you most, work out what happened and what you would do differently, and rehearse it until it feels realistic. You leave with one change for the coming week, small enough to stick.
Stress and hypnotherapy
An older video on stress and how hypnotherapy can help you step out of the stress response and feel back in control. In coaching I use hypnotherapy only when it suits the person in front of me. Most stress work in coaching is practical: workload, boundaries and recovery time.
Captions are available on YouTube.
Exercises used in sessions
These are examples of the practical tools you might try. Each is adapted to your week rather than handed out as homework.
The stress audit
A week’s record of what raised your stress and what lowered it, so you can see the pattern instead of guessing.
Drop, delegate, delay
Sorting your list into what you can stop, hand on or move, before deciding what you must do yourself.
The switch-off routine
A short, repeatable end to the working day that tells your body the pressure is over for now.
Common stress patterns
These are common patterns, not individual client stories. Details always differ, and nothing about any client is shared.
The one who never says no
Reliable, helpful and quietly overloaded. The work is on boundaries and the guilt that follows them.
The always-on manager
Answering messages at night because the team might need something. The work is on expectations, delegation and a switch-off point.
Pressure from every side
A demanding job, young children or an ageing parent, all at once. The work is on what can give, and on getting support instead of carrying it alone.
What clients say
Reviews published on this site, word for word.
Before I approached Stuart I had been struggling to sleep for 18 months. Contacting Stuart was the best thing I ever did. My only regret is that I didn’t approach Stuart earlier. Thanks Stuart for all your support!
The whole experience was fantastic from start to finish! Booking was easy and Stuart had a brief chat with me before I committed to an initial session. He put my mind at ease from the very start. Thank you Stuart, so very much!
Qualifications
- Advanced Master Practitioner of NLP (DNLP)
- Master Practitioner of NLP (MPNLP)
- Psychotherapist (MNACHP)
- Master Hypnotist (DMH)
- EMDR Practitioner
- PSY-TAP Practitioner
- ADHD-CCSP
- Enhanced DBS
Questions about stress
What are the first signs of stress?
Early signs are often physical or behavioural: broken sleep, headaches, tight muscles, irritability and drinking or eating more to wind down. Many people notice the changes in their behaviour before they admit to feeling stressed.
Can coaching help with stress?
Coaching can help when stress comes from workload, boundaries and habits you want to change. It doesn’t replace medical care. If stress is affecting your health, see your GP first, and coaching can work alongside the support they offer.
When should I see a GP about stress?
See your GP if stress is affecting your physical health or daily life, you feel low most days, your sleep has broken down or self-help hasn’t worked. If you feel unable to cope or unsafe, call 999 or NHS 111 (option 2).
Is stress the same as anxiety?
They overlap but aren’t the same. Stress is usually a response to pressure you can name, such as a deadline or a heavy workload. Anxiety can continue when the pressure has gone. If worry is constant or comes out of nowhere, talk to your GP.
How long does it take to reduce stress with coaching?
Most people notice some change within the first few sessions, once the biggest source of pressure has a plan. Lasting change in habits usually takes a package of five, eight or twelve sessions. I’ll suggest an option on the free call.
Can I have coaching for stress online?
Yes. I coach stress on Zoom, FaceTime or phone as well as in person, using the same approach as in the room. Many busy people find an online session at lunchtime or early in the evening easier to protect than a trip across town.
Start with a free 30-minute call
You describe the problem. I tell you whether coaching is the right tool and how I’d approach it. If it isn’t, I’ll tell you that too. No obligation, and I reply within 24 hours.
- You send the formName, number and a line or two about what’s going on.
- I reply within 24 hoursBy phone or email, whichever you prefer, to book a time.
- A free 30-minute callYou decide afterwards. No obligation, no follow-up pressure.
Still deciding?
“I highly recommend Stuart. 10/10 experience. Right from the beginning he made me feel so comfortable and he seemed to genuinely care about what I had to say.”