Help with feeling stuck · London · Birmingham · Online
Feeling stuck: what’s going on and how coaching helps you move
What it means when life or work has stalled and the next step won’t come into view: the common reasons people get stuck, what tends to free them up, and when it is worth talking to a coach or your GP. For people who look settled from the outside and feel parked on the inside.
Written by Stuart Downing, NLP Master Practitioner and life coach. Reviewed
In short
What it is
Feeling stuck is the sense that your life or career has stopped moving and you can’t see a way forward. It often follows years of doing the expected thing well.
What helps
Getting clear on what has actually changed, separating what you want from what you think you should want, and taking small steps that test a new direction before you commit.
When to get more help
If feeling stuck comes with constant low mood, hopelessness or poor sleep, see your GP. In a crisis, phone 999 or NHS 111 (option 2).
What feeling stuck looks like
Being stuck rarely announces itself. These are the things people tend to say before they put a name to it.
- Every week looks the same, and you can’t remember the last time something felt new.
- You know you want a change, but every option feels either too risky or not quite right.
- Friends seem to be moving on while you stay where you are.
- You talk about the same plan every January and nothing happens.
- Your days are full, yet you feel you are drifting.
- You spend evenings researching alternatives and never act on any of them.
- You feel guilty for being dissatisfied with a life that looks fine on paper.
- Small setbacks knock you further off course than they used to.
Why people get stuck
People usually get stuck at points of change: a role they have outgrown, children leaving home, a relationship ending, a birthday with a zero on it. The old plan has run out and there isn’t a new one yet. That gap feels uncomfortable, so it is tempting to stay where you are and hope the feeling passes.
Uncertainty plays a big part. Most people find not knowing harder than a known difficulty, so when every option carries risk, staying put can feel like the safest choice even when it is making you unhappy.
- Too many options, or none. A wide-open choice can freeze you as much as a narrow one.
- Fear of wasting what you’ve built. Years of effort make change feel like throwing something away.
- Other people’s expectations. A family, a partner or a profession may have a clear idea of who you are supposed to be.
- Overthinking. Turning a decision over and over until thinking replaces doing.
Short reads that may help: how to get unstuck and how to stop overthinking. If the feeling arrived in your forties or fifties, the guide to midlife crisis covers that stage.
What I see in coaching
Many people who feel stuck have done everything that was asked of them. They worked hard, got the job, built the life and kept it running. Somewhere along the way the plan they were following ran out, and nothing replaced it. They aren’t in crisis. They are restless, a bit flat, and quietly worried that this is it.
Often they have been trying to think their way out, weighing options in their head for months or years. What tends to help is getting the thinking out into the open, where it can be tested. Once you say what you want out loud and look at what is stopping you, the obstacles are usually more specific and more manageable than they felt.
Movement tends to start small: a conversation, a course, a trial week of a different routine. Each step gives information that thinking alone can’t, and the next one becomes clearer.
What helps when you feel stuck
Start with honest reflection and small experiments. Coaching helps when you keep circling the same choice. Talk to your GP if the stuck feeling comes with persistent low mood.
Things to try yourself
Write down what you would change if nobody else’s opinion counted, then what frightens you about it. Pick one low-risk experiment, such as a conversation with someone who has made a similar move, and do it this month.
Change one small part of your routine. A different start to the day or a new place to work can loosen the sense that every week is fixed.
Where coaching helps
Coaching helps you separate what you want from what you feel you ought to want, test options in real life and commit to a direction.
Sessions also deal with the fear and self-doubt that keep people in place. The page on life transition coaching describes how that works.
When to see your GP or a therapist
If being stuck comes with hopelessness, constant sadness or losing interest in almost everything, talk to your GP. The NHS sets out the symptoms of depression, which can include low motivation and difficulty making decisions.
If you ever feel you can’t keep yourself safe, call 999 or NHS 111 (option 2) right away, or talk to Samaritans for free on 116 123.
How I coach people who feel stuck
The first step is a free 30-minute call. You describe where you feel stuck and what you have already tried, and I’ll be honest about whether coaching is likely to help or whether something else should come first.
Recorded in 2022, this video looks at living with uncertainty. Your brain dislikes not knowing, and uncertainty can feed anxiety, isolation and low mood. I talk about working with that fear, and coaching helps you put your energy into what you can control.
Sessions run as a package of five, eight or twelve, each 90 minutes, at 1 Harley Street, in Edgbaston or online. Early on you get clear on what has changed and what you want now. After that each session sets a small, real-world step, and you report back by email or text on what happened.
If the choice in front of you is specific, the guide on decision-making may help, and the page on career change covers moves at work. Thinking habits that keep you circling are the focus of mindset coaching.
Living with uncertainty
Recorded in 2022, this video looks at living with uncertainty: the pandemic, politics, war. Your brain dislikes not knowing, and uncertainty can feed anxiety, isolation and low mood. I explain how to work with that fear. Coaching helps you focus on what you can control.
Captions are available on YouTube.
Exercises used in sessions
Some of the tools used to get people moving again. Each is shaped around your situation and checked against what happens between sessions.
The honest inventory
A clear list of what is working, what isn’t and what has changed in your life, so you are deciding from facts rather than mood.
Small experiments
Low-risk ways to try a new direction, such as a conversation, a short course or a weekend project, before committing to anything big.
Control and influence
Sorting your worries into what you control, what you can influence and what you can’t, and putting your effort where it counts.
Common patterns
These are common patterns, not individual client stories. Details always differ, and nothing about any client is shared.
Successful and restless
Has achieved what they set out to do and feels oddly empty. The work is on what matters next, now the original goals are met.
The perpetual researcher
Knows every option inside out and has acted on none. The work is on a first small step and tolerating the risk of choosing.
Life on hold
Waiting for the right moment, the children to be older or the market to improve. The work is on what can start now, inside the constraints.
What clients say
Reviews published on this site, word for word.
I did a lot of research to find the right therapist for a problem I'd developed as a result of my childhood. Although I was aware of how the problem was playing out in my life, I couldn't resolve it without the help of Stuart. Stuart was amazing.
I highly recommend Stuart. 10/10 experience. Right from the beginning he made me feel so comfortable and he seemed to genuinely care about what I had to say.
Qualifications
- Advanced Master Practitioner of NLP (DNLP)
- Master Practitioner of NLP (MPNLP)
- Psychotherapist (MNACHP)
- Master Hypnotist (DMH)
- EMDR Practitioner
- PSY-TAP Practitioner
- ADHD-CCSP
- Enhanced DBS
Questions about feeling stuck
Why do I feel stuck in life?
Common reasons include reaching the end of an old plan without a new one, fear of losing what you have built, other people’s expectations and overthinking. It often appears at points of change, such as a new decade, a role you’ve outgrown or children leaving home.
How do I get unstuck?
Start small. Write down what you would change if nobody else’s opinion counted, then take one low-risk step towards it, such as a conversation or a short course. Action gives you information that thinking can’t, which makes the next step clearer.
Is feeling stuck a sign of depression?
Not always. Feeling stuck is common and often a sign that something in your life needs to change. If it comes with persistent sadness, hopelessness or loss of interest in most things, talk to your GP, because those can be symptoms of depression.
Can a life coach help if I feel stuck?
Yes. Coaching helps you work out what you want, test options and take steps towards them, with support between sessions. It is designed for people who are functioning but stalled, and works alongside medical care when mood is also involved.
What if I don’t know what I want?
Plenty of people start there. Sessions start with what you know: what drains you, what you enjoy and what you have outgrown. Small experiments then show what draws you, so clarity builds as you go rather than having to come first.
Start with a free 30-minute call
You describe the problem. I tell you whether coaching is the right tool and how I’d approach it. If it isn’t, I’ll tell you that too. No obligation, and I reply within 24 hours.
- You send the formName, number and a line or two about what’s going on.
- I reply within 24 hoursBy phone or email, whichever you prefer, to book a time.
- A free 30-minute callYou decide afterwards. No obligation, no follow-up pressure.
Still deciding?
“I highly recommend Stuart. 10/10 experience. Right from the beginning he made me feel so comfortable and he seemed to genuinely care about what I had to say.”